the sinner

a poem or / and a letter to God

the higher my faith was, 
the more i felt like a sinner
sinning is what makes us alive, human 
the most pious are the biggest sinners of all 
not because they do so much wrong, but because the scale they used is skewed
it’s always going against them 
the tiniest mishap feels like they’ve lit their arms on fire 
they burn with their sins, and cleanse it with asking for forgiveness 
the most pious, are the biggest sinners of all

they walk with light, but carry stones 
everything they do feels heavy 
it is a lot of work to be pious and clean 
the higher my faith was, the more i felt like a sin

now, i listen to music and strut down the street
they call it confidence, they call it self-love
i wear red lipstick and think unholly thoughts 
the lower my faith is, the less i feel like a sinner


but the more i sin, the slower my heart beats  
red lipstick, black heart 
to be purposeless is the worst sin of all 

to stop being so pious is to 
stop feeling like you’re carrying stones everywhere you go 
but what you don’t see, are the tiny stones forming on your heart 
constricting and shrouding 
your vision 
you finally feel like a commoner, another human on earth 


but you are now, a lost soul without direction
sometimes before you sleep, you  think of hell 
you raise your arm in defeat, God
please make me a sinner again 

you watch movies, and take long naps 
but you wake up scared, something is wrong  
you call out before sleep sometimes 
asking him to set your heart on fire again 

to be a sinner, is to be alive 
but i am scared that when God takes me back in, i will start to feel like a sin again 
my red lipstick will go away, but 
every little act will start to feel heavy again 

can we be pious without being at war? 
to be pious is to carry stones
everywhere you go
you are on fire

If you’re interested in buying me a coffee!! <3